Now I like you

Wife:-Darling, when do you like me very much?
Husband:-Guess?
Wife: When I smile
Husband:-No
Wife:When I cook your favourite food
Husband: No
Wife tried of giving different answers. But her husband stick on the same answers.
Wife: I lost. I can’t. I just give up.
Husband:- Now I like you

On their Marriage

Question: When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer: On their MARRIAGE.

The order

On a summer holiday in New York Pradip decided to visit a bar. At the bar, the man sitting on Ramesh's left told the bartender, 'Johnie Walker, single.'


Then the man on his right ordered, 'Jack Daniels, single.'


When the barman turned to Ramesh for an order, he said, Ramesh, married.'

Tech Support

Here are some conversations that actually happened between help desk

people and their customers.

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a

document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."

Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24

hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"

Tech Support: "Ok, now click your left mouse button."
Customer: (silence) "But I only have one mouse."

Customer: "Excuse me can I use this disk? It has a hole in it.

Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until

this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

Customer: "Now what do I do?"
Tech Support: "What is the prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "It's asking for 'Enter Your Last Name.'"
Tech Support: "Ok, so type in your last name."
Customer: "How do you spell that?"

Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still

getting the same error message."
Tech Support: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"

भरोसा

सर्वोच्च अदालतका एक वकिलले आफ्नै श्रीमतीलाई छोडपत्र दिनुको कारण भने -

मेरी श्रीमतीले विवाहपछि मात्र एउटी छोरीलाई जन्मादिइन् । म चाहन्छु छोराको बाबु बनु तर यतिका वर्ष भैसक्यो छोराको जन्मै भएन ।

श्रीमती जुरुक्का उठिन् र झोक्किदै - एउटी छोरी त भयो भन न तिम्रो भरोसा गरेको भए त्यो पनि हुने थिएन बुझ्यौ ।

2 sardarjis

A passerby watched two sardar's in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again.

'Tell me,' said the passerby, 'what on earth are you doing?'

'Well,' said the one who was digging, 'usually there are three of us. I dig the hole, Hikmat plants the tree and Ujjar fills

in the hole. Today Hikmat is off ill, but that doesn't mean ujjar and I get the day off, does it?'

A disappointed salesman for Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.
A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"
The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I would makes a good sales as Coke is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem; I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...
First poster: a man crawling through the hot desert sand... totally exhausted and panting. Second poster: the man is drinking Coke and Third: our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"
"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, " Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left..."

नेता

डाक्टरसँग) मेरो रिर्पोट मैले वुझ्ने भाषामा सम्झाइदिनु पर्‍यो ।

डाक्टरले नरम हुदै भन्यो , 'हजुरको स्वास्थ्य रिर्पोट अनुसार व्लड प्रेसर देशको भ्रष्टाचारको मात्रा जस्तै वढिरहेको छ । फोक्सोले झूटो आश्वासन दिईरहेको छ । मुटुले त्याग पत्र दिने संकेत गर्दै छ ।

भाग्यमानी

Toilet paper

right one

Just a joke
There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.

"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral sex she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral sex she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.

"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.

"I was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."

may be most of us are at work right now.... soooo here are some work related jokes!! SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

*****************************************************************
Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."

Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
***********************************************************************
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"

"I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."
***********************************************************************
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"

The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"

The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
***********************************************************************
In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, "The job that you're applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man."
The first applicant enters and says, "This man has just one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer.
The second applicant enters and says, "This man has one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer again.
Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his interview. The first two guys are out there and they tell him, "The guy that's giving the interview doesn't like to hear that the man in the picture has one ear."
"Thanks for the tip" says the third applicant.
So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally he says, "This man wears contact lenses."
The interviewer is impressed and says, "Excellent observation. Tell me, how could you tell?"
So the guy says, "Well, this man has just one ear, how could he wear glasses?"
**********************************************************************

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They
were amazed by almost everything they saw, but
especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move
apart and then slide back together again. The boy
asked, "What is this, Father?"

The father (never having seen an elevator) responded,
"Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life,
I don't know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching with
amazement, a rather heavy, not too attractive, older
lady walked up to the moving walls and pressed a
button. The walls opened and the lady walked between
them into a small room.

The walls closed and the boy and his father watched
the small circular numbers above the walls light up
sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached
the last number and then the numbers began to light in
the reverse order.

Finally the walls opened up again and a beautiful,
young woman stepped out. The father, said quietly to
his son, "Go get your Mother

--------------------------------------------------one more for you all

A man comes up to the cashier and she notices that his
fly was open. She looks at him and says, "Your
barracks door is open."

This is not a phrase men normally use, so he went on
his way looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done
shopping, a man came up and told him, "Your fly is
open."

He zipped up and finished his shopping, and
remembering what the cashier had told him, finally
understood. He then intentionally got in the line to
check out where the lady was that told him about his
"barracks door."

He was planning to have a little fun with her. When he
reached her counter he said, "When you saw my barracks
door open did you see a soldier standing in there at
attention?"

The lady thought for a moment and said, "No, no I
didn't. All I saw was a disabled veteran sitting on
two duffel bags.

Just for Fun, No offence

An English professor wrote the words, "A woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and told the students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

wow

नेपाली चुट्कीलाहरु

गुरुले विद्यार्थीलाई भने राम्रो काम गर्‍यौ भने तिम्रो नाम अमर हुन्छ विद्यार्थीले जिज्ञासा राख्यो त्यसो भए मेरो पुरानो नामचाहिँ के गर्ने नि ।
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

दुई जना कमिला एक आपसमा गफ गर्दै)
पहिलो कमिला: ए साथी उता हेर त
एउटा हात्ती यता आउदैं छ
त्यसलाई ठीक पार्ने हो ।
दोस्रो कमिलाः भै गो छोड्दिउ
बिचरो एक्लै छ ।

Safety gear

at bar

In a bar one guy says to another,"I slept with your mom last night".The whole bar was waiting for the other guy's response. He laughs and says........"Go home DAD you are drunk".

SMS Jokes

SMS 1:
A student writes a letter via telegram to his dad. It goes... No fun, send mon, your son! Dad write back saying...so sad, too bad, your dad!

SMS 2:
I want you 2 know that our friendship means a lot 2 me. U cry Ii cry. U lauf I lauf. U jump out of the window... I look down &then... I lauf again

SMS 3:
Sharab Ek Bimari hai jo pure samaj ko khatam kar deti hai. To aao milkar is bimari ko khatam karen. Ek bottle tum khatam karo ek bottle hum khatam karen.